A CHRISTIAN WALK MINISTRIES

Reverend Matthew & Mrs. Deborah Harper

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WHAT A CHRISTIAN FAMILY SHOULD BE

 There are six basic ingredients needed to create a properly functioning family; Love, Trust, Respect, Communications, Compromise and Support. If any of these ingredients are missing the family will have problems. Now let’s take a look at what is going on with modern families.

Our sinful nature and the temptations of a sinful world work to prevent the establishment of ideal families. Our experiences in a sinful world tends to harden our hearts and suppresses our emotions until the love we have inside is hard to find and even more difficult to share. Many non-Christians see any display of love and kindness as signs of weakness/naivety and the mark of an easy prey. To avoid giving the appearance of any easy target we sometimes hide our love to avoid being used or abused. Everyone needs a place where they can unmask, be themselves and feel secure and loved. A properly functioning family is that one place where our love can be freely displayed, appreciated, supported and returned.

What exactly is a family? Modern society harbors many concepts of what a family is but I would like you to consider this one: A group of persons united by the ties of marriage, blood, or adoption, enabling interaction between members of the household in their respective social roles. God ordained the family as the foundational institution of human society. Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary copyright2003.

I like this definition because it includes the notions of being united by marriage, blood or adoption and family members having roles. A man and a woman are united through marriage and their children are united to the family by blood or adoption. The husband, wife and children all have specific roles in the family unit. These roles are delineated many times throughout the Bible. However, they are clearly and succinctly stated in Ephesians 5:22-33 & 6:1-4 and Colossians 3:18-21.

God created man then God made woman to be man’s partner and helper. After Adam’s sin God required man to work the soil to provide for his family. This established man’s role as head of and provider for the family. It also established woman’s role as partner and help mate to man and bearer of children. Children’s role is to love and obey their parents and contribute to the well being of the family in various ways as they grow into adulthood. After reaching adulthood children are to repeat the cycle by taking a mate and building new families.

Be it a family of man or the family of God (the church) love must reside within the family for it to function properly in accordance with God’s purpose. Too often people profess their love for someone or something when they don’t really understand what love is. Therefore I direct your attention to the following Bible passages as references to establish the proper understanding of love; Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes and always preserves. I Cor. 13:4-7 NIV

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Gal. 5:22-26 NIV

Earlier we identified six key ingredients of a properly functioning family; love, respect, trust, communications, compromise and support. Now let’s see how we can define and use these ingredients in building a harmonious family.

Love is the foundation that supports a family structure and without it the family will crumble. Love is the innate tenderness and affection family members feel for each other. It’s not something we have to learn, it’s inborn. Out of our love we instinctively guard the welfare of our family members. We unselfishly share whatever we have to help family members in need and we support and encourage each other in our pursuits.

Respect is a courtesy we extend to someone we hold in high regard. They are special to us because of the way they properly conduct themselves. Based on pervious experiences in relationships we feel these people will do the right thing in any given situation. Family members that love each other will do the right thing for each other and this fosters respect in the family.

Trust is an assured reliance on the character of someone. In a family this trust is assured based on the love and respect that family members extend to each other on a daily basis over the years. Over the years a family develops confidence in its members and knows they will always acts in ways that guard and support the family. Faith is defined as complete trust. As Christians we have Faith in God. As a family member we should have faith in our family members. However, God will not fail us but sometimes family members may.

Communications is the ability to express oneself both vocally and physically. Communications can be the binding that holds a family together or it can be the sword that cuts a family apart. Kind words and tender touches soothe anger and comforts pain. Encouraging words can put wind to the wings of those weak in faith. Harsh or ill spoken words can crush the spirit, especially in the very young. If family members can not or will not express their negative feelings and concerns, in a constructive fashion, they set the stage for family problems. Problems can only be resolved if they are expressed and dealt with. Otherwise small problems become large festering problems that may explode causing many hurt feelings and possibly serious damage to the family.

Compromise is the ability to reach an agreement through mutual concessions. The key word here is mutual which means; giving and receiving in equal amounts and it also means; having the same feelings one for the other. Having established love, respect, trust and communications in the family we have a firm and positive basis from which we can compromise and reach agreements. Once a problem is identified in a family it’s imperative that the problem is discussed and worked through until it is resolved by common agreement or compromise.

Support is the act of holding something up, such as the foundation of a building holds up the structure that it is a part of. Family members should hold each other up in difficult times. They must re-enforce and strengthen each other in the face of adversities. The family’s cohesion and unity of support that makes it strong also gives it the strength to survive difficult times and situations. When one member of the family faces a problem the family reacts as though the whole family is facing the problem and it really is in a properly functioning family.

When I think of family support I think of my uncle Bubba and how he taught me to ride a bicycle when I was five to seven years old. Uncle Bubba would run along behind the bike holding it upright as I peddled. Soon after he let go of the bike I would fall. But he would not let me give up. I will always remember falling off the bike and him telling me to “forget about it get back on and let’s try again, this time try harder”. Each time I got up and tried harder. Soon I could ride the bicycle without assistance and I had a great sense of achievement. If I didn’t have family support during my many failed attempts to ride the bike, my confidence may have been shaken and it’s possible I may have never learned to ride. My uncle Bubba knew this and that’s why he supported me with his word of encouragement and his actions. These simply words of support has served me well, they allowed me to get up, get back on track, and keep pressing towards my goals in spite of many failed attempts and difficult times in life. Grandpa taught his family the important lesson of supporting each other through words and deeds. Thanks to grandpa, strong support continues throughout our families even to grandpa’s great, great, great grandchildren.