A CHRISTIAN WALK MINISTRIES

Reverend Matthew & Mrs. Deborah Harper

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Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. I Co. 13:4-8.

“I love you to.” Four little words, very similar to three little words; “I love you.” But the two can be miles apart in meaning. When a person says “I love you to” that person is responding to a statement of love that someone has made to them. If their response is given freely and sincerely all is well. However, if the reply only comes after much delay or even some goading the words lose much of their meaning and it’s hard to accept them as being truthful. Verbal expressions of one’s love for another should be given freely, spontaneously, joyfully and without hesitation, prompting or reservation. It is something a person wants to do for someone they truly love, give them a verbal affirmation of their love.

This bible passage is the Christian standard for a definition of what it means to love someone. Our verbal expression of love embodies all of the characteristics expressed in this passage. If we love someone we will be patient with them; if we love someone we will be kind to them and we will not treat them rudely. We express and affirm our love with words and we show and confirm our love through our actions. However, actions alone will not meet the requirement for verbal affirmation.

Our oldest daughter rarely if ever tells us she loves us. When we tell her I love you she replies, “Me to”. Our two younger children always reply, “I love you to”. Seldom will they tell us they love us without us having told them first. We know they love us but we would appreciate it more if they were the first to express their love. This, no doubt, is a case of reaping what you sow. I did not verbally express my love to our children when they were young, same as my parents did not express their love to me. I sincerely hope our children will break this pattern by proactively expressing love to their loved ones.

Many words have been written attempting to explain the various reasons why some people have great difficulty in expressing their love for someone. I know couples that have been married for many years and love each other dearly but still find it awkward to say “I love you” to each other. Yet, there are very few wives that do not feel warm and fuzzy all over when their husband tell them those three magic words; “I love you”. Some husbands buy expensive gifts for their wives when what the wife really wants is for him to simply and sincerely say “I love you”. Gifts, things or sex cannot be substitutes for a sincere verbal expression of love. For some husbands those three little words stick in their mouths like a big wad of cheap peanut butter and they just can’t seem to get them out.

The saddest and cruelest denial of a verbal expression of love is when it involves young children. From birth to approximately age ten are the most formative years in a child’s life. What we do and say as adult figures in their young lives and can have lasting impacts. A child never hearing the words “I love you” may never feel loved. They may find it difficult to express their love in adulthood and they may find it hard to understand and accept the concepts of love in relationships. By verbally expressing our love to our children and confirming our love through our actions we are telling them that to love is a good thing. We will build trust, security, stability and a sense of well being into their lives. As parents it’s our responsibility to provide this to our children. Again, to do less would be akin to child abuse.

Controlling the “Never say I love you” Demon: Examine yourself and see if this demon is at work in you. If it is you can control this demon by being proactive. Express your love to your family members. If you find it uncomfortable to verbally express your love for a family member you need to ask yourself why you feel this way. There may be some issues or conflict you and that family member need to resolve, work it out. You can rest assured that ever family member would welcome an occasional sincere verbal expression of love. How they initially react to your expression of love will vary depending on family culture. However, if your expressions are sincere and they are confirmed by your actions you will enhance your family’s relationships.