Love is the key ingredient that must be a part of disciplining children. The Bible makes this very clear in this scripture; Hebrews 12: 5-12 "...My son , do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when He REBUKES you, because the Lord disciplines those he LOVES and he PUNISHES everyone he accepts as a son... No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. However, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who are TRAINED by it." Discipline without LOVE is often just abuse and it is not God's will for anyone to abuse a child.

REFERENCE SCRIPTURES; Hebrews 12: 5-12 “…My son , do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He REBUKES you, because the Lord disciplines those he LOVES and he PUNISHES everyone he accepts as a son… No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. However, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who are TRAINED by it.”

Often the most challenging task a couple will face is raising a child, especially the first child. Discipline will always be a major part of a child’s development and how to administer discipline is often a major problem for most parents. Failing to understand the proper goal of discipline is usually the source discipline problems. Scripture referenced above (Hebrews 12:5-12) is the source for a Christian definition of discipline. The key word is LOVE. God loved us enough that he wanted to TRAIN us to live a life that would lead to eternal life. To effectively administer discipline parents must LOVE their children. However, parents can “love” their children but fail at disciplining. Many parents are confused and consider “love” as being a friend to their children and giving them everything they want. In reality, this “love” is subtle child abuse because by failing to provide proper discipline early in the child’s life they put the child on a path to heart ache and pain in the future. They “love” their children straight into the prison doors.

1.    What is Christian discipline?  A process of: loving/caring, teaching (telling), training (showing/doing), encouraging, correction/punishing, growing and rewards.

       a. Loving/caring; you, as a parent and adult, have to love and care for the child enough to dedicate your life to that child having a good and successful life. As a Christian, you want the child to develop a relationship with Christ that will lead to the child’s salvation and eternal life.

       b. Teaching: You must devote many hours talking to and teaching children, when they are very young beginning at age six months, the right things to do and what things they should not do. When the child is older you should explain the reasoning behind the do and don’ts. These teaching times not only provide teaching they also serve as bonding time developing a closer more secure relationship between parent and child. The mere fact that you are spending time talking to your child is building a foundation of security and self-worth into that child’s personality that will be with him/her the rest of his/her life.

       c. Training: Some children (and adults) learn much better from seeing and doing than listening to how it’s done. This part of disciplining involves showing by example. My Granddaddy always told me “son, when you shake a man’s hand and agree on a deal you keep your part of the deal”. Granddaddy always kept his word. He walked as he talked. Many years later, I still keep my word; it just seems like the natural thing to do. Thanks Granddaddy. We have to teach our children how do everything; lacing a shoe, cutting the lawn, driving a car, how to tie a bow tie, how to prepare a college term paper and one day, how to land a paying job. They learn all these things because we love them enough to patiently discipline them and make them do it over and over until they learn to do each thing right.

       d. Encouraging: Accent the positive, downplay the negative. We all need and appreciate a warm fuzzy when we do something good. It’s very important for children to know their efforts are noticed. On the other hand undeserved accolades are empty accolades and will lead to a false sense of achievement and self aggrandizement. Praise children for their improvements but also encourage them to always do their best.

       e. Correction/punishing: Standards has to be a part of effective discipline. For example, your teen age son has not been completing his homework every night. He also watches a lot of television every night and his school grades are going down. You suspect the poor grades are results of to much television. You need to establish some standards. A standard could be; if grade average is below a B your son must complete all homework before watching television and he can only watch one hour of television per night until grade average improves to B. In this case your have done three things; established a B average as the standard, required doing homework before watching television as the corrective action and limiting television to one hour as the punishment. There is a clear line showing what the standard (expected behavior B average) is what the violation is, (grades below B average), and what the required corrective action is (homework before television). This concept is valid in every facet of children’s development. They must know what is expected of them, what to do to meet expectations and the consequences of improper behavior. However, parents must remember, correction/punishment MUST come from LOVE.

f. Growing and rewards: Our desire for our children to grow and mature into successful Christians is the impetus behind our efforts towards disciplining them. When we have successfully disciplined our children they will grow into mature adults with a strong set of values that will serve them well in all facets of their lives. They will have a strong relationship with God and LOVE in their hearts for their neighbors.

COMMENTARY: Discipline is required in our lives, at every age, in order for us to grow and develop. As children our parents have the responsibility to discipline us. As Christians our heavenly Father disciplines us. Without discipline we are easy prey for Satan’s temptations and we would soon find ourselves lost in sin and on the road to hell.

A CHRISTIAN WALK MINISTRIES

Reverend Matthew & Mrs. Deborah Harper

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